To clarify: there is no reason in the world that you can’t have great sex at midlife and beyond. Trust me on this one. Man or woman, rich or poor, thin or fat, it’s yours for the asking. I talk about it in the latest issue of 50+ Fabulous. Check it out and get up to speed. Once you are committed, get on with it! Be ready for the naysayers. Be sure you are not one of them: “Oh please, I’m finished with that” (excuse) or “My dead wife and I had great sex. I’ll never find it again. It’s too late.” (pity party) or “I’m happy with the memories” (Living in the past, are we?) or “Sex has always been painful for me” (Doesn’t have to hurt anymore) or “I’m alone and I’m not comfortable doing that to myself” (Nobody’s looking and no one has to know.) or “I have cancer [arthritis, depression etc. Fill in the blank.]” (There are a myriad of activities other than intercourse that are warm and sexy – and many organizations that will help you) and so forth, blah blah blah. Just remember the old saying, “Those who say they can, and those who say they can’t are usually both right.”
It’s all in the knowing, as they say. To get started, wrap your mind around this: You were born a sexual being – at birth you were determined to be a boy or a girl. You will die a sexual being. “Sexual” means celebrating who you are as a man or a woman, however you interpret it. It doesn’t have to include a partner. If you want a partner, you can find one, or enhance the one you have. Stay tuned and we’ll have lots of blogs coming up, on that subject.
In the meantime, ponder this:
What does it take to have a great sexual encounter?
Identify what you want out of it. It’s your body to enjoy. Own it!
Expect intimacy; think about pleasuring, not performing.
Be prepared. Carry condoms and lubricant.
Communicate; tell your partner what you like and don’t like .
Understand how very nervous men are at this age about performance and being judged.
Be aware of how very nervous women are at this age about body image.
Go in with your eyes wide open; forget those darned romance novels
Keep your sense of humor. Don’t take yourself so seriously. Be able to laugh in the bedroom.
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Our sexuality is the secret ingredient that keeps us alive, vital, beautiful,
and energized for a lifetime.