I don’t remember her name, but her posture said it all: this is ridiculous. Remember the Emperor’s New Clothes? For me, she was that little kid who jumped out of the crowd and told everyone that the emperor had no clothes on. In this case, her whole persona was shouting: Look at all you normally rational, kind, seasoned, sophisticated men and women. You are acting like fools and pretending this is not only normal, but fun. Are you nuts?

I’m talking about the Midlife Meat Market, also known as Singles Mixer for the Mature Crowd. Yesterday, I decided to test the waters – to experience what my clients (and I) are facing in the current offerings of singles events for the seasoned crowd in the Bay Area.

My take: Junior high cotillion all over again.

It doesn’t have to be this way. We don’t have to pretend that we are having the time of our lives when we are actually feeling as insecure as pimply faced teenagers. We don’t have to play polarizing games that allow no latitude for getting to know each other. We can redefine this mixer business in a way that honors who we are at this time in our lives, lends some dignity to the situation, and provides entertainment and introduction to new friends at the same time.

I say scrap the whole notion of come-here-to-find-love. One of the exercises yesterday involved asking anyone in the crowd if they had found love recently. Several shout-outs revealed yes, definitely – and they had stumbled on it HERE (surprise, shock) at this very mixer. Plants in the audience? Yes, perhaps. But c’mon. Seriously? Give us a little credit for life wisdom. At our age, we know it doesn’t happen with a beer, braggadocio, and plumped up plumage. At the bars when 25, perhaps, but not now.

Let’s revisit what this is about and reset the expectations. Egads! I say this over and over to my clients, concerning intimacy. The same thing applies here: It’s about pleasure not performance. Here’s an article I wrote about dating at our age. Check it out.  It’s about finding friendship and having an enjoyable evening. We’re not competing in a cake walk here, where someone will leave with the big prize. We’re seasoned adults, and this is a chance to meet new people, not find the lay of your life or your soul mate in 90 minutes. As an intimacy expert for this age group, I was mortified when the “host” presented this finale exercise “game”. He said, “Here’s the reason we’re here:  the ultimate question to define – the real reason we are all dating. Everyone who is looking for marriage go to this side of the room. If you are looking for a one night stand, go to this side.” Really? Give me a break. Not with this group.

Stop this pressure to perform like 25 year olds. As a close female friend suggested, there are lots of wonderful people to meet at these events – both male and female. Let’s just enjoy one another, and if a boy-girl thing happens, ok, nice. If not, there are friends to be made on both sides of the aisle.

I think I’ll start my own event for seasoned, midlife plus, senior singles. With dignity. With a point. A chance to connect – and entertaining at the same time. We really need to rethink this whole concept and redesign it for our level of sophistication, fun, and life wisdom – so that no one has to stand in the corner with her nametag plastered to her forehead in protest.  I would love to hear your thoughts!  Share them here.

We all like to be titillated. From time to time, we all need to escape, to pretend. Sometimes, the secret forbidden act of taking or being taken is so exciting in our brains, that it can arouse even the lowest libidos. It’s the time when we can be tortured, tied down, taken against our will, appear in outrageously sexy alluring clothes, tempt the begging servant, beg for mercy – all in our head, and no one knows! What fun! It happens universally, and no one ever knows.

What if we could share some of it, or all of it, so that others will “get off” with our fantasies, too.  Here’s the chance. These are short sequences. They can be read in 5-7 minutes. They must be written by a woman 50 or over, and they must INCLUDE a woman over 50.

The winner will win $50 and one month featured posting on my blogsite. Check out the rules, and send in your entry today. Email it to me (info@getasecondwind.com), Katherine Forsythe, and share your fantasy with us, so we can enjoy it, too. Entries will also be available to download after the contest, from this website. Have fun!