(Published: December 2007 Bay Area Women’s Journal)
By Katherine Forsythe, MSW
Ah, sex and the holidays: Lingering kisses on a crowded street; romantic candlelight dinners with longing looks in quiet corners; hot, groping, passionate sex on a bearskin rug in front of the fireplace. And, you ask, who’s doing that? For most of us, sex and the holidays is a contradiction in terms. Too much to do, not enough time. It’s not even on the “to do” list.
During the holidays, everywhere we turn, we see images of gorgeous, skinny people – some clothed, some not, oozing with immense rapture and appearing for all the world, to be on the brink of orgasm. Remember the movie When Harry Met Sally? You can’t help but think, “I’ll have what she’s having!”
Sure, our wish would be to have lots of lustful, luscious intimate moments during this holiday season. In fact, there can be moments of tender romance, tempting eroticism, or just plain hot sex – if you are willing to work at it and you don’t expect perfection. To avoid disappointment (or downright depression), and to insure that your holiday sexiness meter will improve, the first step is to lower your expectations for a hot holiday. Then, get real about your intimacy needs during this season, whether you are in a relationship or not, and assume responsibility to make them happen.
If you are in a relationship, here are some tips to make your hot holiday wishes come true:
1.Plan it. Ok. No one wants to plan intimacy. It ruins the fantasy – and that’s the irony during the holidays. If you want the fantasies – holiday romance, brief interludes, or hot passion, you have to plan it. Talk to your partner. Don’t wait for things to simply happen. Let go of the fantasy that your partner will read your mind.
2. Adjust your ‘tude. Yes, you are exhausted. Everyone is. Try this out, anyway: If your partner initiates sex, and you don’t want to, give it a go – even though you are tired! You may be surprised. At first, you may feel limp and lethargic. As you stay with it, you may end up getting turned on, in spite of yourself. Sex can be a great stress reliever if you let yourself just go with it.
3. Don’t over-react if you don’t get what you want. You bought sexy lingerie, scented candles, and an erotic movie. What are your expectations? Don’t expect your partner to jump your bones just because of your fun props. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. Relax – go with the flow, and don’t get dramatic if things don’t go the way you planned.
4. Know how drugs affect you, sexually. Sex, booze, and the holidays can be a worrisome combination. Alcohol is a depressant – it can make you sad and sleepy, and it’s dehydrating. Keep lubricant handy and know that it will take longer to reach orgasm.
Especially for singles during the holidays:
1. You have skin hunger. Everyone does. We all need to be touched. Honor yourself and treat yourself to a massage or a facial once/week during the holidays to nurture yourself.
2. Be EXTRA good to yourself. Consider buying yourself a new sex toy for your own private use. Happy Holidays from you to you!
3. Plan your holiday weekends before they arrive. There’s an old saying, “If it’s to be, it’s up to me”. No one will call you to make sure you are not lonely over the holiday weekends. Make plans ahead. It’s a safety net.
4. Don’t be pressured because it’s the holidays. Know that your value as a sensual woman is not based on whether or not you have sex over the holidays. If you don’t want to, don’t.
With a little planning, you can have a glorious, sensual time this season, whether you are single or in a relationship. Get real and let go of expectations. Be honest about your needs and be deliberate in making them happen.
Have a deliciously sensual holiday – designed by you.
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