It’s time for rules for Match.com. I don’t mean how many emails, winks, or IMs you send, I mean decency rules. I’m talking about rules my grandmother would have insisted upon. Grown up rules. Rules that apply to people our age. What is my incentive for creating these, you may ask? Ah, real life. Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water, chomp! That big ol shark that I thought was a porpoise turned mid-stream and attacked. Match candidate #4 – so done! Details notwithstanding (Ok, if you insist: After one encounter, and the discussion of how totally weird most of the candidates [men or women] are, on Match, and how utterly UNweird we are … He gets weird. Scary weird. Nuf said.). Is it him or me? It doesn’t matter. Another one bites the dust. At our age, the meter is ticking, and we don’t have time to explore emotional baggage on emails before the second date. NEXT!
Personally, I’m tired of bad manners and rude behavior online. All right … I know it’s a fantasy, but what if … ? Here are my top ten decency rules, the founding tenets of the Match.com decency police.
They boil down to this: What would your grandmother tell you to do?
1. When someone addresses you politely, as in an email, you respond politely, even if you are not interested. A reply of “get a life” is not what I am referring to, here.
2. You do not ignore a pleasant reply. You can take the time to type, “Thank you, but I don’t feel we are a match. Good luck with your search.” Or, simply press the button that Match provides with those words on it!
3. “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you”. I heard that somewhere …
4. Always tell the truth. I have a sign on my wall that says, “People can always recover from the truth.” This applies to age, height, status, and mental stability. Do you think he/she won’t find out?
5. You would not put the phone down in the middle of a conversation and walk away. The same applies to email conversations. If you need to end the interchange, so say. Don’t leave us literally hanging.
6. Unwanted guests are not welcome on the first several dates. This includes former spouses, dead spouses, and other former relationship stories with sad, unresolved endings.
7. Be kind. If you meet someone, and they appear to be a total freak, the polar opposite of what they described online, gently excuse yourself. Remember that they are doing the best they can, scary as it may be.
8. Get off Match (et al) when you are no longer interested, for whatever reason. Save us all the time of reading, writing, and the accompanying anxiety. See rule #3.
9. For god’s sake, don’t take yourself so seriously.
10. Revisit rule #3. Over and over and over. No religious connotations intended, just sensible relationship behavior.
Yes, I know it’s a fantasy. Still it’s worth thinking about. The internet allows us to hide behind the cloak of our keyboard, and we forget the good manners that (sometimes) are more likely to happen face to face.
I found these lyrics, from one of my favorite musicals, Chicago. A little tongue in cheek humor. Guess we all need to take care that the pot is not calling the kettle black. What more can I say?
(Velma)
Whatever happened to fair dealing
And pure ethics
And nice manners?
Why is it everyone now is a pain in the Ass?
Whatever happened to class?
(Mama)
Class.
Whatever happened toPlease may I
And Yes thank you
And How charming?
Now every son of a bitch
Is a snake in the grass
Whatever happened to class?(Velma)
It’s a scary world out there, and there is no filter on who can post themselves on these internet sites. So flatter me. Just for a moment, let’s pretend that most people are basically decent, just have forgotten to put on a clean shirt before going out. C’mon folks. We’ve all lived long enough to know better.
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