It’s a familiar story these days. My friend Sally, 56, is getting a coveted award for many years of outstanding motivational speaking. Yet, she is crying. All the time. Why? She is situationally depressed. I say “situationally” because she was just fine a year ago. Since then, you know the drill: The economy has tanked. Her husband got pink-slipped and last night she took him to the emergency room with chest pains. The consulting and training business that she built to booming success is in the toilet. Their beautiful home is in grave jeopardy of becoming the bank’s property. It’s an open spigot with her savings. Her one indulgence, spending time with her adult children, is vanishing before her eyes. Her kids are moving out of town to more promising Camelots. She is scared, anxious, lonely, and tired of pouring tea and smiling. It’s simply more than she can handle.
On top of it all, her sex life (and her relationship with her husband) are on a downward trajectory worthy of many meteors.
This backdrop is so familiar today that it reads like the beginning of a bad B novel - except that she’s very real and so are her challenges.
What’s she going to do? Oh my, what can she do?
At the risk of oversimplication:
- get nude
- get into bed
- hold each other.
No sex. Just hold on. For 30 minutes. Don’t talk.
That’s it.
Feel the heart beat. Relish the warmth. Hear the breath. Caress the skin. Savor the energy between you. Smell the scent. And, don’t open your mouth (for any reason!).
OK, it won’t pay the bills. It won’t get him a job. It won’t revitalize her clients. It won’t bring her children home. It won’t save the house.
What it will do is wondrous, and it’s free! It will slow her (and him) down and bring some peace. It will give them a big shot of intimacy and connection. It satisfies skin hunger – that primitive need to be touched and held. More than anything else, it cures that horrid alone feeling, if only briefly. It gives hope.
When things get really bad, all of us have to take a thorough, honest look at the hand we’re holding. If you are presently blessed with a partner on this journey, use that commitment to your advantage. You may be holding the Ace of Spades, and not even know it. Yes, it’s hard to see it sometimes. You’re constantly bickering. Sex is some ancient ritual that you can barely recall. You don’t even want to begin the conversation about money, or sex.
Life is so funny sometimes. The very thing that we are distancing from – our partner – is exactly the one thing that we need to move in closer to.
Get nude and hold on. Try it and see.
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