Here’s the latest scoop on Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra: if you believe they will work, they will. Does that mean your sex life soars? No. Why? Because there’s more to good sex than being rock hard. Besides, only 10% of men over 50 renew their prescriptions. What’s up with that? Turns out the side effects aren’t worth the potential hard-on. So, what do you do if you are over 50 and worried about getting it up? Last weekend, I sat at Asilomar in beautiful Pacific Grove, California, and listened to Michael Castleman, sex expert extraordinaire, talk about erections, Viagra (et al), and mild ED which many men at midlife plus experience. I was attending the SSSS conference, surrounded by sexperts like me (sometimes we call ourselves sexologists which I find an annoying term, personally).
Michael was hard on the gruesome threesome (Viagra, Cialis, Levitra) [no pun intended]. Sales are limp, and there are reasons. They don’t give phone pole erections immediately like porn stars (most men’s source of sex ed). Small amount of side effects – headache, stomach upset, nasal congestion – are rigidly underestimated (some studies have documented up to 40% of users have these!). Most importantly, they aren’t aphrodisiacs and they don’t stiffen up wilted relationships. If you take them, what you get is an erection (or maybe not), not a relationship.
My, oh my, NOW what do we do? The panacea seems to be sagging.
Alas, there is hope. First of all, have heart. For some men, the big 3 DO work robustly. Several of my clients swear by them. Exactly WHY they for these guys (all over 66 years old) and not other guys, is important. Mostly, they work because they want them to work, and they are relaxed about performance anxiety. They don’t depend on the drug for passionate sex – in fact, most of them take it less than 10% of their lovemaking time. It’s simply an option on sex menu.
Performance anxiety. The plague of men around the world. At what point can we give it up, and let men off the hook. How about right now, at midlife and beyond? Let’s get beyond Intercourse. Did you know you can orgasm (come) without an erection? It’s true. If feels just as good.
Amazing things happen when we rethink the reproductive mindset of intercourse. Things may pop up that were supposedly gone forever. A moment of playing. Long lingering licks. A pause. And then: What is that I see rising in the East? The sun? No .. it’s my erection! Just when I decided I didn’t care if I got it up because I’m doing more of other stuff – oral sex, caressing, holding, exploration – it’s rising like the Phoenix.
Don’t count on these 3 for solid sex! Play around. Pursue the passionate life knowing that, erection or not, you can have firm fun!
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