You and your partner may have very different ideas about what great sex is. Everyone is different. Believe me, what one person wants may be dramatically different than what the partner wants – even after years in a long term relationship. You absolutely must learn to talk to your partner about your sexual preferences – especially if it disgusts you!
Start by identifying precisely what it is that disgusts you, in your own mind. Write it down. Then, ask your partner for a time to talk about something very important to you. DO NOT DO THIS DURING SEX, RIGHT BEFORE SEX, OR RIGHT AFTER SEX! You need to be away from arousal for each of you. Find a comfortable, neutral place where talking is safe and secure. Tell him/her what you like about what he/she does with or for you. Then, be honest. Tell him/her what is so very uncomfortable to you that you would prefer not to do it at all. Try to work out a compromise, but don’t give in, if you are truly disgusted.
If you can’t work it out by just the 2 of you talking (and some couples can’t), see a professional. Perhaps even one session will take care of it. The coach will honor your feelings, let you both talk, and help you reach a solution that works for you.
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