Obviously, the questioner is female. Her partner may be male or female, but it doesn’t matter. Faking orgasms is a bone of controversy. Some experts say never do it. I say go ahead, as long as you allow yourself real orgasms with your partner on a regular basis, and the decision to pretend is based on YOUR needs, not fulfilling a requirement from your partner. The argument against faking it suggests that you are trying too hard to please, and you are not being pleasured at your pace on your time frame. This, in turn, can become a pressure-filled habit and makes you wonder if you have lost the ability to orgasm. Then, a vicious circle ensues: you pretend, you doubt yourself; you doubt yourself and you can’t come. My feeling on the whole thing is this: if YOU make the conscious choice not to reach orgasm (too tired, distracted, low arousal, etc), and you enjoy the drama of writhing around and pretending, and it pleases YOU as well as your partner, go ahead. I have clients who tell me that sometimes the drama of faking it is so much fun that they can’t remember if they really “came” or not.
If you can masturbate to orgasm, you’ve still got it. Or, if you can orgasm from time to time with your partner, you still have it. As we age, orgasm takes longer for some people. The best bet is to be honest with your partner, if pretending is detracting from your enjoyment. Explain that you may not orgasm all the time, and you are happy with that. The pleasuring is the point, and pleasuring can happen without orgasm.
If the “faking it” becomes problematic, see a professional, or email/phone me: info@getasecondwind.com, or call me 415.702.9544. We will get you going, again!
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