Sex and teens. Is their sex education more than the debate on substituting oral sex for intercourse – to keep from getting pregnant or contracting an STI? Who should teach them? What needs to be taught? Check this out: Dr. Gilbert Herdt, at the National Sexuality Resource Center at San Francisco State University, offers this plea to Mr. Obama:
So, let’s give young people the benefit fo what the great majority of their parents and churches and communities do not provide them with – sexual llteracy. All the research for 50 years shows suggests these institutions of society are not doing their job. The harm that this gap causes is huge and growing – staggering HIV rates, increasing teen pregnancy, and an epidemic of STD’s among young women – some as young as your {President Obama’s] daughters.
Sexual literacy? What is that? It means understanding everything about your sexuality from reproductive rights and the physical act of having sex, to identifying your values and sticking to them.
President Obama represents a fresh chance to help support institutions that can deliver unbiased information to teens about repercussions of early sexual activity, sexually transmitted infections (STI), birth control, and relationship issues. We must encourage his already active support for organizations dedicated to sexual literacy, such as Planned Parenthood, Advocates for Youth, National Sexuality Resource Center.
In the end, kids need someone other than an institution to define and help them identify what values they hold around sexuality. Parents are the most influencial of all. The words may not be spoken, but the attitudes, comments, and actions scream a message to kids. How do parents express affection? How does one partner treat the other? If single, what are the words used to talk about dating or future partners? What kind of comments are made by parent(s) about movies and TV shows, concerning sexuality?
In many cases, however, parents just can’t bring themselves to talk about sex with kids. Who, then, will fill that role? Grandparents are the perfect solution! Savvy grandparents can play an important role for kids. Talking, listening, asking – all with a generation in between – makes grandparents less threatening, and easily supportive.
How can grandparents talk to kids about sex? Start by finding out where the grandchild is on the topic of sex. Don’t assume that they are or are not having sex. Ask: What do YOU think? How do YOU feel about any certain activity (intercourse, oral sex, kissing, etc.) at any given age? How can you tell when you are really in love?
Share what it was like for you, but don’t preach about how much better it was when you were younger. Let the teen tell you his/her feelings. Let him/her confide in you with a promise that you will not share with the parent(s).
Keep the conversation positive! If sex for you as a teen was traumatic, avoid details of your trauma. You can share that in years to come, but not while the teen is formulating his/her own view of sex. Of course, always report child abuse, if you become aware of it. If the teen has fears, or is involved in a dangerous situation, help him/her thnk through consequences.
Mostly, be a trusted confidente. Keep your sense of humor. Share with the teen how you learned about sex. Teens are lectured to, all the time. Give him/her a loving ear, and don’t do all the talking. That will do more for the child than any institution can ever offer.
Get A Second Wind
Tips & Tricks Newsletter
Our sexuality is the secret ingredient that keeps us alive, vital, beautiful,
and energized for a lifetime.